My spiritual awakening and growth has been propelled through many pivotal life experiences that have shaped my reality. There have been many doorways that have, and continue to, lead to the unraveling of my truest self, including health, relationships, travel, many teachers, and much more.
In 2006, it began with food. I grew up eating a SAD (Standard American Diet) choke full of processed, canned, boxed and frozen foods. In high school and college, I struggled with emotional, binge eating and chronic stomach problems including being diagnosed with IBS and severe food allergies. I gained weight and my skin broke out. I stuffed and buried my emotions and true feelings and masked my unhappiness with food and other ways of keeping busy. Although, I was unaware at the time, I was seeking love, acceptance, meaning, and joy, all of which could only come from knowing and loving my true self. So opened door number one…
I studied abroad in Australia, and in 2006 I decided to return on a working visa. I got a job working for a Naturopathic doctor. As I saw her help and heal patients from natural remedies including herbs, vitamins, detoxes, and natural, unprocessed, nutritional foods, I was fascinated and eager to learn as much as I could. I soaked in her teachings, and embarked on detoxes and a complete change in diet and lifestyle. I gave up alcohol, dairy, gluten, and all processed foods in hopes of clear skin, weight loss, ridding stomach ailments, and to feel and be my best self. I began to see results as my weight normalized. Although I had some ups and downs, eventually, I stopped emotional eating, and my energy increased.
I began seeking out additional holistic therapies. I wanted to try every modality I was introduced to including acupuncture, reflexology and meditation. This whole new world had opened, and I dove in, head first. While I enjoyed my new passion and the exploration that had awakened, and experienced small bursts of passion and joy, something was still missing in my life.
I longed for a deeply fulfilling career. I wanted to wake up each day excited to go to work, excited to be alive. People around me told me that was simply not possible, and to get a grip with reality. I refused to accept this to be true. I was on a quest to find passion, purpose, and meaning. I decided I would research different career fields and interview people in those fields. I decided I would view the jobs I accepted as part of an exploratory process to discover my deepest passions, likes, dislikes and purpose. The first year of my exploration, I had 8 jobs. This continued for many years as I’ve jumped from one career to another. As my interest at each job, for the most part was short lived, I felt unhappy, frustrated, stressed, and unclear of my own path to success. I had many fears around money and I allowed it to cloud my vision. I felt confined, limited, stuck.
In 2009, I was seeking guidance and received my first energy session from Starlight, who later became a great spiritual teacher for me. She came very highly recommended by Dan, who was a new friend I had recently met at a networking event. I got my first session before going on a backpacking trip through Europe with my best friend. Starlight told me my heart had a cage around it and the energy would help to let go of that which no longer served me and open my heart.
The entire Europe trip, I felt as if hearts and love were pouring out from the heavens above. When I arrived in Greece, I walked to the beach and a streak of sunlight beamed on a heart shape rock. The rock glistened bathed in light, as if the heavens were shining a spotlight on it sending a message that seemed to be just for me. I saw hearts drawn with a finger on a dirty car window and a lady wearing a heart t-shirt offered me some fresh bread on the train one morning! I was becoming aware of the messages and validation that spirit was showing me through my surroundings.
After Europe, an acquaintance, aware of my interest in holistic healing modalities, recommended a weekend certification course for a type of energy healing called Theta Healing. I had no clue what it was but I felt that a good for the soul, weekend getaway, was just what I needed, so on a whim, I registered. Many of the course attendees that weekend shared in detail their personal spiritual experiences including seeing visions and hearing messages from spirit. At first I was skeptical and even a bit frustrated, as I did not see visions, hear or feel any messages from spirit. I continued on with the training, and it was that weekend that I had the very first spiritual experience that I can recall. As we practiced doing healings on other members in the class, I saw my first vision! With my eyes closed, it was like a movie playing, as I saw scenes that I shared with my partner. I doubted what I saw, as it didn’t make any sense to me, but I shared it with her anyway, and it was completely relevant for her. She told me she felt comfort in the vision and message I shared and her eyes lit up with gratification. I was excited, almost on a high, from this gift and world that was yet again opening and I wanted to share it.
Dan and I had grown as friends, as we both were experiencing our spiritual growth at the same time and could confide in each other about our experiences. We enjoyed sharing our experiences with one other, and wanted to also surround ourselves with others, a community, of young, like-minded friends. We decided to start a group that met regularly and decided to ask Starlight to lead our group, offering regular meditations and group energy sessions.
One night at our group gathering, Starlight shared with me that I had a past life connection with Dan and another member of the group, Ally. I had always felt very comfortable around them. It felt familiar, and as if I had known them my entire life, when truly I hadn’t know them very long at all in this lifetime. This clarified and confirmed the comfortable feeling I had with them both. I’m now able to recognize that feeling with others that I meet in my life, and understand and can now identify a soul connection when it occurs.
As Dan and I’s friendship grew, he began sharing details of how he had visions of us together in a relationship. I told him that I thought of him as a big brother, and while I enjoyed our time together, I didn’t have a desire to be in a romantic relationship. He didn’t understand what the visions meant so he asked Starlight for guidance.
Starlight shared that we had many past lives together where both of us had been hurt. We carried it in our DNA and she said that if we wanted, we could get an energy session together and she could clear all the pain, hurt and past experiences from our DNA, keeping only the love and lessons. She said the only precursor was that we had to agree to go in to the session with absolutely no intentions but for the highest good of all to unfold. Starlight told us it was extremely rare for her to offer this type of session to us. We both agreed.
Dan and I got our session. During it, we both laid silently, in Starlight’s healing room, both on our own tables, positioned next to one another. The message that Starlight shared was that we were true love, which means that we love each other unconditionally. She said that we had chosen to be brother and sister in our most recent past life and because of that we experienced true love with one another. She said we could choose to be friends or we could choose to be in a relationship, the choice was up to us to make. She said we would always be friends. After the session and our message, we were tired and left without saying much accept that we acknowledged we both saw visions and we agreed to writing down what we saw in our session and sharing it that weekend, as we had planned on seeing each other.
The weekend came, and as we read our individual write ups of what we had experienced in our sessions, we were in absolute awe to see that we saw and experienced almost the exact same visions and messages. I was hesitant to read some of what I had written, as I had wrote about how much I loved him. In my mind, it seemed absolutely crazy. We hadn’t been friends for very long and barely knew each other in this life. I hadn’t felt any type of attraction prior to our session, and now I was about to share that I loved him. I was nervous. There was no possible way that we could have faked, misinterpreted or even doubt what happened in our session, given that we had both seen the same visions and suddenly felt the same way about each other, madly in love, in what felt like an instant. I was a believer, there was no way I could not trust in the power of spirit.
In the beginning, I still wasn’t fully comfortable openly sharing details of my awakening spirituality. I had fears of being judged, and people thinking I was crazy.
I received energy attunements and became certified as a reiki master. Reiki is a form of energy work. The type of energy work that Starlight teaches is very unique so I also received training beyond traditional reiki. I began working with Starlight, so that I could become more confident in my own healing abilities. I attended regularly her workshops and classes and dedicated myself to my spiritual work and growth. I also began receiving energy sessions weekly from starlight.
I practiced giving energy sessions to others, and the more validation I received, the more confident I became in my own abilities and the power of spirit. Starlight told me that there was nothing I had to do. She said that I was just a vessel and through my intention and invoking and inviting spirit, in 100% love and light, to work through me, that the energy would flow and whoever I was working on would receive all that they needed in the highest good. That helped relieved pressure I felt on myself, knowing that I could just relax and trust spirit to work through me.
I worked with a client who hadn’t slept through the night in years. After intuitively uncovering the root cause, and completing an energy session, he called me the next day, ecstatic that he had slept through the night. I then gave a session to a family friend, who could no longer sit and cross her legs because of very painful arthritis. After her session, she was flabbergasted, as she could sit cross-legged, without pain, for the first time in years. My trust and faith in spirit and myself grew stronger and stronger.
At this point, I was working with Starlight regularly and seeing major transformation occurring in my own life. I was enrolled in a very in depth 8 month goddess workshop course and still receiving my regular energy sessions from Starlight, which both helped me tremendously. I also became a certified laughter yoga instructor and began teaching classes, which brought me joy.
I created a daily ritual using the tools and activities suggested from the goddess workshop. I began journaling daily and it has become and remains a huge tool for my growth. Changes happened gradually. I began hiking and making time to be in nature almost daily, as I realized it had a very calming, grounding effect that left me feeling clearer, my mind quieter, more inspired, refreshed and at peace. I began doing art projects and could hardly wait to spend my weekends making art collages, painting and expressing my creativity. I felt present, focused and time flew by as if it didn’t exist when I was doing my creative projects. I loved the joy I felt of having new passions and activities my heart truly enjoyed. As passion and meaning emerged, with it came a lifetime of stuffed away feelings, emotions, and experiences that I hadn’t acknowledged.
In order to heal, I had to go back and acknowledge and face past experiences, pain, sadness, anger, fear and resistance that I hadn’t faced before. The more I remembered who I was, the more I had to face both the light and shadow sides of myself. It wasn’t easy, but looking back, it was definitely worth it.
I continued to push forward, committed to my daily, regular spiritual work and practice. While I was experiencing fragments of joy, passion, and fulfillment through my art work, regular time in nature, and other practices of self-love like salt baths, meditation and massages, I knew to fully experience and live a life filled with fulfillment, passion and joy, not fragmented and sporadic, but as a regular part of my daily life, I had to go deep in to the storms within myself. Holding on to the vision and hope of a fulfilling career, relationships and life, I continued on.
Many parts of my life began to fall apart. Starlight says that to release and let go of the aspects within yourself that are no longer serving you, they may have to come to the surface so that you can face them. Sometimes parts of your life that aren’t working may crumble and disappear, so that you may be re-directed to a course that is more aligned with your highest path and fulfillment.
Danny and I’s relationship fell apart and we broke up. We had been living together so I now needed a new home. I decided, at the same time, to quit my job. My heart longed to be on the west coast. I was currently living on the east coast. I remember playing comforting songs through the heartbreak, and major changes unfolding. I replayed the song the “Rose” with the lyrics, “just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snow, lies the seed that with the sun’s love, in the spring becomes the rose.” Music has been a partner in my healing process, from offering comforting sounds and lyrics to full blown dance parties, with myself, that often end in laughter and a definite mood boost.
One night, with heartfelt conviction, I lay in bed, tears in my eyes and completely surrendered. I asked spirit for a sign. I pleaded, “spirit please show me the way. You can use me. I want to be a messenger of your divine love. I want to make a difference on this earth. Please, show me where I am meant to live and what type of work I am meant to do, for the highest good of all. I will move anywhere in the world and do anything that you want for me, please just show me the way.”
I asked spirit for a sign and for the sign to specifically be shown in the form of a feather. I asked to be shown a feather in the place that I was meant to live, so that I would clearly know my next step. I decided to book a trip to both Colorado and California, as I had narrowed them down as the two locations I felt most drawn to live.
I traveled all around Colorado and loved Boulder particularly. However, in all the places I visited, I didn’t see any feathers. Then I flew to California. As the plane landed in Southern California the words “you’re home” suddenly popped in my head. I smiled. Later, I was sitting in a perfectly manicured lawn soaking in the warmth of the sun. I looked next to me and noticed a feather. I picked it up, put it in my purse and doubt ran through my mind. I thought, that was a very small feather. There are birds and feathers everywhere, could that really have been my sign?! As I walked, contemplated and questioned my sign, I looked down and at my feet a huge feather was standing so tall, it was almost reaching my upper calf. Someone had literally stuck the feather into the ground so that it was standing up vs. laying flat on the ground. In that moment, all doubt dissipated, I had my sign.
After that moment, it was as if feathers were falling out of the sky. As I walked along the marina one morning, and a little girl yelled, “look, a feather floating in the water!”. I had all the confirmation I needed, and headed back east to plan, pack and move to California.
It was scary and fears arose, particularly around money. I was sad to leave my spiritual community, friends, family, and the comfort and familiarity of the place I had called home. At the same time, I felt free and excited to embark on this exciting new adventure. I held on to my unwavering faith, trusting that spirit had shown me my sign, and the confirmation that everything would be okay and that I was on the right path.
I packed what I could fit in my car and headed west. I visited many beautiful spiritual, monumental landmarks including White Sands, New Mexico, the Grand Canyon and Sedona, Arizona. I continued to receive messages from spirit that I would be provided for. I found pennies by my feet in rest stops, gas stations and stores along the drive, showing me that prosperity was here for me and not to worry. At a stop at a grocery store, I had my food items on the belt to be rung up and the cashier said to me, “this watermelon is on the house”, and put a red sample sticker on my watermelon, saying I didn’t have to pay for it as it was a gift. The sights, smells, temperature, people, food and beauty of the trip was surreal and I felt joyful, excited, at peace, and ready for my fresh new adventure.
I found a new home within walking distance to the beach and was moved in within 2 weeks of arriving to California. I decided to begin my own business using my training and gifts as a lightworker and intuitive. I finally came out of the spiritual closet, and stepped into true self, as I openly talked about spirituality and my gifts with the world.
Each day I woke up excited, joyful, grateful and happy to be alive! I continued my daily spiritual and self-love practices that I had implemented. I meditated, journaled, interpreted my dreams from the night before, and pulled oracle cards. I spent time in nature and on the beach every day, soaking in the sunshine, breathtaking sunsets and perfect temperatures. I sat and observed the wildlife including the abundance of butterflies and hummingbirds and admired the beautiful flowers, plants, and vegetation of the west coast. I took regular salt baths, spent time dancing and singing to my own version of karaoke via youtube. I found myself laughing often, practicing yoga regularly, hiking, and found someone to barter with for regular massages. I started attending local spiritual and women’s group to create a new community and friends. I also enrolled in a virtual goddess workshop with Starlight, so I could stay connected to my spiritual community and be held accountable and on track with the tools and regular spiritual practices I had practiced back east.
As I went through the goddess workshop course for a second time to continue my spiritual growth, I noticed I was able to go deeper within myself, the second time around. I was able to better assimilate and understand the information, almost as if watching a movie a second time around and picking up on subtle cues that you had missed the first time. My intuition increased and I began asking for daily messages from spirit on what I could do that day to bring happiness and joy in to my life. One morning, I saw a vision of myself cloud watching. My mind immediately questioned the vision because typically in California the sky is clear without a cloud in the sky.
As I was outside that day, I looked up and smiled to see that the sky was filled with big white fluffy clouds. I walked straight to a park by my house, laid on the ground and watched the clouds pass. After I felt at peace, refreshed, my mind quiet and happy.
My creativity and art work also improved. I noticed a big difference in the projects that I had completed in the first goddess workshop vs. the second time around. Like anything in life, I was reminded the more I practiced and strengthened my creative muscles, the more creative I was becoming. I noticed the awakened creativity poured over in to my everyday life. I had new ideas for decorating my home creatively and new ideas for my business including marketing ideas like a booth at the health food store, starting a laugh mob, a songbird video series and a self-love workshop.
I also seemed to have an easier time going through the goddess workshop the second time around. The first time, I had so many deep rooted emotions and parts of myself I needed to face, that at one point it became hard for me to keep going with the work, and I fell behind in the course one month and needed extra time to complete the work. While challenges still continued to arise the second time around, and I continued to still have aspects of myself to face and growth to be done, because I had implemented the tools as a regular part of my life, I felt better able to manage and respond to what was unfolding in my life.
My daily self-love practice of journaling to check in with my day and acknowledging my feelings, meditation to listen to my intuition and spirits messages, and by making it a priority to do things that bring me joy such as spending time in nature, I now noticed the impact it was having on my life. I noticed I was becoming less reactive, no longer taking things personally, and now using a variety of tools to manage my stress, and stay in balance so that challenges now feel easier to face then before.
Meanwhile, I was still facing heartbreak and had a lot of healing to do from Danny and I’s relationship. Starlight advises to spend at least one year to heal after a relationship before dating or beginning a new relationship. She said it’s important to learn from your relationship experiences so that you do not have to repeat them. I committed to the quest to heal my heart and learn and assimilate all that I was meant to from our relationship. I had to face anger, sadness, pain and then eventually forgiveness and letting go. The more I healed, the more I was able to clearly see the roles I played in our relationship, which helped me to grow and make changes. I noticed how I had been reactive, defensive, feeling not good enough, rejected and therefore not standing in my power and worth. I was able to see situations from a new perspective and see what a wonderful teacher Danny was for me. As I was able to finally let go and forgive, I felt immense love, compassion and gratitude in my heart for Danny. As Starlight says, everything that happens comes from love. I reminded myself that experiences happen for me to learn and grow so that I can be the highest expression of myself, and all I am meant to do on this journey. I also learned that while each person’s path is unique, it is possible to have many soul mate and true love relationships in a lifetime and not all of them may come in the form of a romantic relationship.
At this point, I enjoyed what I was doing in my own business but was not producing enough income to pay my bills and sustain my lifestyle. I felt stress, frustration and fear as I was struggling to make ends meet. I worked a few part time jobs including partnering with Dan and Starlight and being a teacher with EarthStar18 for the first goddess workshop on the west coast, which I found fulfillment and joy in teaching.
I had enough with my financial struggles and decided I had to make changes! I enrolled in a Heal Your Money Story coaching certification course. Upon beginning, I fell very ill with parasites, stomach and severe digestive issues. I was very weak and had little to no energy. A few of my other part time income sources disappeared and my financial situation was worsening. I stayed committed to healing what I needed to regarding my money story. I completed daily exercises and regular coaching calls. I uncovered that on a deeper, spiritual level, that the parasites were linked to allowing others to take my energy and it was very physically draining on me. The exact definition of a parasite is “an organism that lives in or on another organism (its host) and benefits by deriving nutrients at the host’s expense.” Instantly after this realization and doing some healing work around it, the parasites went away and my health improved. I continued peeling away many layers of past experiences that had me staying small and not standing in my worth.
My actions with my business began shifting and new clients signed up for energy sessions. I was interviewed on a radio show, featured in the newspaper and opportunities began slowly opening and I started feeling hope, purpose and more joy, as I felt my intentions were finally on the right track for my purpose and highest potential.
I celebrated my success in truly claiming my worth, a big component to fully loving myself, by inviting a group of friends over for a self-love ceremony. So began, the very first self-love workshop. We dressed up, shared, made vows of commitment to ourselves of love, empowerment and always seeing our own worth and value. We each read our vows aloud to ourselves in the mirror and brought rings to place on our fingers, as a commitment to love ourselves always.
Then, almost 2 years after Danny and I’s relationship had ended, I received a letter in my inbox. Danny had sent me a very sweet letter sharing his love and appreciation for me, sharing that he hoped we could one day be friends again and remain in each others lives. This was a reminder that as I healed, forgave and experienced love for both myself and another, it energetically affects others as well, as we are truly all connected. I happily accepted his friendship and my heart swelled with joy as I truly felt unconditional love, as the pains of the past were now cleared, and we began with a new, fresh, loving friendship.
While I was feeling empowered and proud of my recent achievements, I still felt something was missing. While I had made great friends and loved living on my own and having a lot of alone, me time, at times I felt lonely and longed for community, partnership, love and a family of my own.
Then one late summer evening, my life took another huge, life changing twist. Within 24 hours my entire life changed, as I experienced a very traumatic event involving a break in, into my home while I was home sleeping. Due to the severity of the circumstances, I had to immediately move out of my home. My entire body was locked in fear, my head pounded, and yet again I faced a crossroad. I was able to look at the experience as a sign from the Universe that a change in course was needed. I was also reminded of what is most important to me, including being around the people I love most. I also acknowledged that being part of a team and community is very important to me, when it comes to my work.
I felt extreme gratitude in my heart, as support flooded in from friends and family to help me through the recent trauma. I decided to temporarily move back to the east coast as I felt it was best for me to be near family and my loving support system back east. I sold and let go of many of my belongings, and again got in my car and headed back to the place I had once called home.
While I still face life’s regular challenges, I now look at them as lessons and an opportunity for growth or a change of course. My trust in myself and spirit fills me with faith and reassurance that even in the midst of what may feel like chaos and confusion, I know I’m moving forward and being directed to a path that is most aligned with the highest expression of myself and all that I am here to share with the world. I now know with love, all things are possible. With love, life truly feels worth living. With love, I have the hope, faith, trust, determination and the will to endure.
I recently moved back to California and am focused on sharing my own experiences and journey to self-love and happiness with the world, to help others also experience the positive growth and blessings that are available for us all. I’m humbled to be able to assist others to awakening to what I have awakened, including new passions, meaning, love, more laughter and finding joy in life’s simple pleasures. I am currently offering individual chakra clearing energy sessions (similar to the energy work that I received for so many years that helped me so much), and am available to host laughter yoga for group events, retreats or special occasions.